Dear Mr. Robertson -
I initially began this letter "Dear Homophobic Bigot" and then realized how judgemental that is, and that such labelling had the potential to start our new friendship off on the wrong foot, and we wouldn't want that, now would we?
So, new friend, there you are in the news again this week. As the world wept and rallied with the death and devastation in Haiti, you made news with comments that a pact with the devil by Haiti's voodoo doctors was what brought on the earthquake in Haiti... uh-huh. Soooo you think that makes sense, do ya?
Of course, I shouldn't really be surprised when you blame this tragedy on the Haitians, as you have always been so media friendly and quotable, in a terrifying hateful right-wing zealot sort of way. Like when you called for the assassination of Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez, or when you said that Islam is not a religion, that Hurricane Katrina was the fault of abortionists, that karate enthusiasts inhale a demon spirit, and that 9/11 was due to pagans, lesbians, feminists and gays.
Actually, gotta admit, I sort of expected that last one, as I know you pretty much blame everything on those feminists, ever since you called them witches who are going to kill their children and become lesbians.
I will give you this -- man, you were oddly fun to google. Beats the crap out of watching sitcoms, and way funnier, or at least would be if you weren't so damn scary. There's evil bigoted Pat Robertson quotes everywhere. My favourite quote might be when you compared liberal America to Nazi Germany, where you said the bigotry against Christians today is worse than any discrimination against any minority in history. Well, friend, quite the stretch if I do say so myself, but there are so many crazy-ass hateful things you have said, I am not sure I can choose just one.
As for our new friendship? Well optimistic as I am, truth be told am not holding out much hope seeing as you don't much like my kind (gay, Jewish, pro-choice, Canadian, pacifist) and I clearly don't care all that much for you. Still, there should be some common ground here, no?
Then again, I am not sure what the common ground would be... wait, I got one! We both have not yet attended "gay days" at Disney World. Then again, I have not gone because it's a long commute from where I live, and pretty much every ride from a twirling tea cup to Space Mountain makes me vomit, and you have not gone because in your own words, gay days at Disney World "will bring about the destruction of your nation, it'll bring about terrorist bombs, it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor..." okey-dokey, maybe there is no common ground.
Okay, enough about the past, and enough about Mickey Mouse in chaps, let's look forward and focus on what is happening now, the tragedy in Haiti.
So Mr Robertson, or may I call you Pat: my question is this... what the fuck? The world worries and mourns about Haiti and you spew blame and hate? How about, let's help them recover from this tragedy and then work to move them forward. Blame the victims... really? Blamed it on voodoo and the devil... really? This killer earthquake being a "blessing in disguise"... really?
Mr Robertson, it's time to step up and show compassion. Speak kindly. Maybe cut a cheque to Doctors Without Borders for the recovery effort. Oh, and one more thing --- on second thought, I don't think we can be friends. You're a douchebag.