March 3, 2010

My fiance is trying to kill me with expired salad dressing...


Yesterday I tossed out a container of what used to be cottage cheese. It looked like an alien invasion was happening in there. And it was well past the expiry date. If it was just a couple of days past its expiry date and looked and smelled fine, I would have tossed it anyway. Is that wrong?

Shortly after K and I started dating two summers ago, we had a BBQ at his house. In addition to the burgers and usual stuff, we had salad. In a show of great hosting especially to someone you are newly dating, he pulled out like eight salad dressings.

As he was preparing the food, I was hoping my dog wouldn't embarrass me by knocking something over as he cavorted around like he had a firecracker up his ass, and so to distract myself I casually looked through the labels of the foodstuff on the table, specifically the salad dressing. Yes, some of this looks interesting, some unusual flavours here, and then holy crap, this one is two years old, and so is that one, and another one. This stuff is months to years beyond their printed expiry dates - is he effing try to kill me?

Beyond all this stuff, there was more salad dressing in the house. A lot more. K is a planner and if there is ever a nuclear holocaust, his house is where you want to hide out - there is enough frozen food, salad dressing, canned salmon, and dry cereal to take you though the lengthy rebirth of the human race. My house has trace amounts of apples, diet Coke, and frozen organic edamame.

A recent article on http://www.slate.com/ challenges the food industry on expiry dates, saying that they pretty much don't mean anything. They are valid in terms of fresh food's optimal date of freshness for taste and healthful impact, not in terms of food safety. Packaged food can last months beyond its expiry date, canned food years beyond. Food deteriorates from the moment it is picked, killed, created or processed, and then its validity depends on how is packaged and cared for: is it in too hot or too cold storage? Is it properly wrapped and sealed? If it is refrigerated, how cold is that exact corner of the fridge?

Except for baby food, 'sell by' or expiry dates are not regulated. How the food is cared for - packaging, cleanliness, and temperature - determines how long it will be good.

The bottom line? Food goes bad. The food industry wants you to toss out that box of Ritz crackers from 1997 and buy new ones. And yes, some food is good well beyond its expiry date. I think this is probably a case by case thing. Fresh stuff looks and smells bad when it is bad. Microwave popcorn and Oreo cookies will outlast your grandchildren. And that damn salad dressing hasn't killed me. Yet.

23 comments:

Will Burke said...

Unless K was really jumping the gun to get your life insured, you may have just been paranoid about his motives, and you got to learn early on who the 'Fine Print' member of the relationship was!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Ooooo, I've got a thing about "best before" dates too. Hey, we all need something to be paranoid about!

Kitty Moore said...

Kudos for cheating death! x

Aunt Juicebox said...

I recently posted about my food expiration date phobia. I'm especially bad about dairy products. If something is in a can or box, I'm not as picky, but if it's well over a year past the best by date, I pitch it.

Michael Rivers said...

Soon as the experiation date hits, I throw it out. I had food poisoning once. It wasn't fun. I'd rather buy a new bottle of salad dressing than risk it. lol.

Frau said...

I am nuts about looking at dates....my mom as things older than dirt and every time we eat there I'm sick. I think there is a window after it expires days maybe weeks but not effing years!!!

Shell said...

I'm still too paranoid to try it past that date, though!

injaynesworld said...

I view expiration dates as "suggestions." if it passes the nose test, I'm fine with it.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

I am also a date whore! Not that kind of date, but if its expired it is tossed.

In terms of your fiance trying to kill you, I would suggest that if he says to you "I think the milk is rotten, here taste it!" That my dear friends is def's a sign. Just saying.

inannasstar said...

I think your fiance and my mother-in-law should have coffee together....they sound like they have oodles of shit in common. That biatch served me blue cheese dressing that was 3 FUCKING YEARS OLD. Yes, I'm still alive writing this comment, but sheeeeit!

TICKLEBEAR said...

it's a very slow process, poisoning someone with salad dressing. watch for signs of illness after you say your i-do...

how much is that insurance again???
;)~

Rusty Hoe said...

Having survived years of a demented Grandma who could not smell that the cream was off or see that the ham was green, I'm pretty sure that I have immunity for life. Mind you the 3 year old lamingtons in the cupboard that could have been used as house foundations did push it.

Apart from dairy, used by dates are pretty much meh.

ajm said...

When I was growing up, we knew a food item was bad when it was growing green and black moldy stuff along the top and sides of the container. So expirations have a very important place in my home as an adult!

Anonymous said...

Hey Brahms, I came across ( no pun intended ) a website regarding the longevity of foods that should interest you. Go to WWW.STILLTASTY.COM and there is a good bit of info on how long you should keep foods around.
I like to be careful of dates of expiry as most goods in "PLASTIC" containers usually expire (whether opened or not) 16 months from the date they are packed as the chemicals in plastic will leach into the products. Heat near products in plastic hasten the leaching process.
I hope I'm not scaring you and others but as it has been said many times before that glass is the BEST container to can and hold your foods.
With dairy and other items that are more perishable, the old phrase always hold true, " WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW IT OUT ".
Take care and I'll be back to read more.

Denis.

Brahm said...

Interesting how varied all our feelings are on this one; I still think lots of the canned stuff can last virtually forever, but the fresh and dairy type stuff i am following the dates - otherwise creeps me out a bit.

And Denis thanks for pointing towards www.stilltasty.com - really cool site!

Kevin said...

The fiance is not amused.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what you mean Kevin by not amused. I did not mean to upset anyone but sounds like you're browned off at me. If so, to refrain from hard feelings, I will delete this site from my favourites.

Brahm said...

Hey Denis, thanks for saying the site is one of your favoruites, and I think is me that Kevin is not amused with, not you...

I love seeing everyone's comments on here, the more feedback and opinions and ideas the better, keep it coming!

Dean Grey said...

Brahm!

Better safe than sorry, right? When in doubt, throw it out!

-Dean

Christine said...

The post title intrigued me, so here I am. I had to laugh because it reminded me of a time a couple of years ago that I made the most delicious, and gorgeous I might add, club sandwiches for lunch. They were 4 layers of yum with little decorative wooden picks holding them together. My husband neglected to remove his picks as he ate and ended up biting into one, then accused me of trying to 'kill him'.

Yeah, that was me...Mrs. Scarlett, in the kitchen, with a toothpick.

bmat10 said...

Your K needs to meet my mother-in-law. The difference is my mother law has 15 bottles of salad dressing and they are all the SAME!

Brahm said...

Ooh, love the CLUE reference -- Mrs Scarlett, in the kitchen, with a toothpick -- brilliant!

Sadie at heyMamas said...

This is hysterical to me because my husband and I always look at the expiration date of course in our own house, but can't help doing it in other people's houses and feel challenged when we find an offender.

Do you tell the person? Do you politely just turn it down as not to appear rude if it is let's say, salad dressing and they want you to put it on your salad!! We don't know what the right thing to do is.

We once went to my Mom's house who buys at least ten of everything and while she was away, put all expired items on the kitchen counter so she could throw it away and not us. Sticky situation for sure!

Sadie at heyMamas

Post a Comment

Comments are like chew toys and favourite treats. Alfie says thanks!