March 29, 2012

I Saw Jodie Foster's Beaver...

I have long admired Oscar winner Jodie Foster, who hasn't appeared much on screen in recent years except in crap like The Brave.

As her movies sink quietly, Foster lost some respect as she stood by Mel Gibson, the homophobic misogynistic anti-Semitic superstar who got into all kinds of trouble over the past few years.

Last year Foster released The Beaver, which she directed and costars in. The movie was controversial, mostly due to Gibson starring, and also due to is name, and its unusual subject matter. It bombed in theatres and is now available on Video on Demand (VOD).

In The Beaver, a troubled husband and executive adopts a beaver hand-puppet as his sole means of communicating. Walter is a depressed guy who after failed suicide attempts to distance himself from his pain by communicating through the beaver which he imaginatively names "The Beaver". Foster is his passive doormat wife who was kicking him out until he crossed into the puppet zone and then weirdly takes him and the talking puppet back. Uh... why?

Walter's beaver strategy works at first, as it jumpstarts Walter's marriage, sex life and work life. Why? It didn't make sense to me, and the movie didn't give me info enough or make me care enough to believe. And really who needs to see Jodie Foster, Mel Gibson, and a puppet in bed together? Or in a shower? Trust me, that is a three-way no one wants.

The movie's one interesting subplot features Star Trek's Anton Yelchin as the couple's nerdy son and Hunger Games' Jennifer Lawrence as the cool girl at school he falls for. They come across as real teens with real issues. And they are 100% puppet-free!

This movie didn't fly, and it wasn't just the Mel Gibson is an asshole thing. The main character is not sympathetic, he is kind of a douche, and Foster has totally miscast herself as a passive wallflower. When the troubled Walter suddenly becomes a pop culture phenomenon, appearing in GQ and on The Daily Show, I had to wonder if they are laughing at him or is he actually striking a nerve somehow? Not only does the film not answer these questions, it skates over the whole thing.

And did I mention the puppet is mean? Like verbally abusive mean. And in one scene sort of physically abusive. And it has a bad Downton Abbey wannabe accent.

The best dramas have you care about the characters, and balance out the tragedy with some levity. Aside from the troubled teens, who Foster the director really seems to have a feel for, I didn't care about these characters, and there was no levity at all. This may have worked under a better director with a better screenplay... or maybe not.

If you are looking for a movie on VOD this weekend, skip The Beaver; see The Descendants or What's Your Number? instead.

And seeing as I chose this one, I need ideas... what should I watch next?

March 27, 2012

Jack and Jill Gone Bad...

It's amazing what you can find on the internet... actually is there anything you can't find online?

I came across this online, from Urban Outfitters... sure I laughed because it's juvenile and funny and generally in poor taste, but... and I may be out of step a bit in terms of being politically correct ... uh, aren't we not saying "tranny" now?

Keep it classy, Urban Outfitters....!

March 25, 2012

Liz Taylor One Year Later....

Oscar winning actress Dame Elizabeth Taylor (don't call her Liz...) died one year ago this week. Since then I have devoured a biography of her called How To Be A Movie Star, which was a great read and showed how smart, passionate, independent, rebellious, and downright funny she was.

Here's what I wrote last year....

Two-time Oscar winning actress, activist, business woman, fragrance queen, gay icon, art collector, and tabloid queen, Dame Elizabeth Taylor, who died last week, has left the bulk of her $600 million estate to AIDS charities... now that is a real dame!

"It's not the having, it's the getting."

"I don't think President Bush is doing anything at all about AIDS. In fact, I'm not sure he even knows how to spell AIDS."

"People who know me well, call me Elizabeth. I dislike Liz."

"I've been through it all, baby, I'm mother courage."

"Big girls need big diamonds."

"Worse than the virus [HIV], there was the terrible discrimination and prejudice that left in its wake. Suddenly it made gay people stop being human beings and started becoming the enemy. I knew that somebody had to do something."

If you don't know Liz Taylor the amazing actress, check out her films. Start with A Place In The Sun, it is spellbinding, and she is amazing in it...

March 22, 2012

Little Dog, Big Worries....

While I admit to being overly attached to Alfredo the adorable furball, for any pet parent these would have been worrying times.

Last fall Alfred had eye surgery; I wrote about it here and here It was scary and stressful. I was very brave... uh, Alfred was very brave. The little charmer came through it like a trooper.

Then last Thursday evening we saw something wrong with his eye, the same eye in the same place, and yes I freaked out. I calmly (sort of) called the vet Friday and booked the first available appointment for Saturday.

By Friday night I was staring at the red growth coming out of his eye (a popped-out "third eyelid"), willing it away. By Saturday morning the eye was red and inflamed but the growth seemed to have retreated. Less scary, but still worrisome.

Saturday morning we were there early for our appointment. If you believe in visual omens, the dinosaur-sized poop outside the front door might be a bad one.

Inside we waited near a puking bird named Pearl and a kingpin snake with a mysterious drying-out disease. This did not help my peace of mind at all.

Alfie was calm and clingy in my arms, as we waited in a little white room for the vet who was a half hour late (I choose to believe she was saving someone's pet rather than eating a baloney sandwich). Then the vet who came in wasn't our vet, it was some other doggie doctor. The change was unexpected and unsettling.

The vet reviewed Alfred's eye history, checked out the red, and looked for scratches or scars. She looked to pop the eyelid fully in or out and did some work on it, then decided not to go further without anaesthesia. So no go for now. We went to another room and while I held squirming Alfie wrapped in a green towel she did a lengthy saline eye wash to rinse out any debris. It was painful but went ok. I'm so brave... uh, Alfie is so brave.

Alfie is now on an antibiotic eye cream for seven days, and putting it on him is getting easier as I lift him to the kitchen counter, hold his eyelid open with one hand and massage on the cream onto his eyeball with the other. He does not enjoy this process. Treats are required. Lots of treats!!!

This will probably recur, and surgery may be needed again. For now we now medicate and monitor. It seems that the shape of Alfie's eye or eyelid is somehow imperfect. I know, I know, I thought he was totally absolutely blissfully perfect too. Hey, maybe that's why this all happened... to make the other dogs of the world a little bit less intimidated by Alfred's cuteness!

March 20, 2012

The Mommy Bloggers & Me...

Last weekend I lost my blogging conference virginity. I attended BlogWest 2012 with about 200 bloggers from western Canada, from people just starting out to seasoned professionals.

I went in knowing no one, excited and a bit nervous; I don't like crowds, and mingling with strangers is not a strength of mine... tweeting nasty things about the Kardashians while eating jellybeans at home, now THAT is a strength of mine.

This conference appealed to me as a chance to meet a bloggy peer group, learn some stuff, and maybe feel like less of a freak cuz this is how I spend my time late at night when other people are sleeping or working or making the world a better place or watching porn.

I felt lost and I felt outnumbered, because the conference centre doesn't have great signage and because I don't have a vagina. I saw no men.

I tend to be shy at big events, and yes I realize the irony of being anti-social at a social media event. So I sucked it up and grabbed another lost looking soul and said hello. And I thereby claimed Marissa as my new BFF and conference wife... she is smart and fun and fab and has a weird obsessive thing for Disney and tiaras.

Days one and two at Blogwest felt like it really is a Mommybloggers world... topics discussed, names of the blogs, sponsors and swag were all Mommy focused. I wondered what I would get out of this... but we non-Mom's soldiered through.

Holy crap there are a lot of bloggers in western Canada! Hundreds at the conference, all tweeting away. This is one place where its not rude to be heads down tweeting away in a crowd. One evening Marissa and I were sitting together tweeting to each other, and then realized hey we could be at our respective homes doing this in our PJs. So we left.

On day two I counted only four guys. And one of them was skulking around without a name badge scamming food. I may have seen him on To Catch A Predator.

Marissa and I sat together at a table for ten. No one joined us. It was high school all over again. At lunch and at sessions were were the two amigos surrounded by empty chairs. So we quietly made fun of people.

I went home deflated. Should I even come back on Saturday? What would I get out of this?

At some point I remembered that attitude and experience are what we make them, and I flipped the switch to appreciate what was there. Besides, I love women, most of my friends are women, who else would I want to be with? So the next day, the final day, was the busiest. And it was awesome, from inspiring sessions to people actually sitting at our table of their own free will...

There was lots of inspiration and advice that day, from writing a great headline to building a brand to using geeky analytic tools (okay that part when straight over my head).

The best part was the keynote by Tanis Miller of Redneck Mommy blogging fame. She told her story and advised everyone else to tell theirs:
One blog post at a time, blogging changed my life.... Tell your story. Use your words. Be inspiring... Be yourself and be honest because ultimately that's what works.

What did I learn? Blogging can be whatever I want it to be (duh). Have the same voice online and off-line (done). Use snappy headlines (sex, royals, and weird hats work). Not all moms who blog are "mommy bloggers" (and you better not call them that). And they know how to have fun at a conference...

March 19, 2012

Politicians Are Boobs...

Just in case our ruling provincial government, the Progressive Conservative Party, are not right wing enough for us after 40 years in power, we have the newcomers of the Wildrose Alliance party on the right.

With an election coming, the party launched its campaign bus at a media event today, to show us they are serious and credible. Uh-huh. Try looking away from Danielle Smith's breasts. Errr, her tires...

This was big news in town today and let me say I LOVE IT.

Either their bus painter has a devilishly wicked sense of humour, or some putz is losing his job. What a boob...

March 17, 2012

Oprah Cancels Rosie & More TV Crapola...

I love my TV, especially The Good Wife and The Big Bang Theory, and yet the more I watch TV the more I am convinced that the people who run the networks are just morons. Some thoughts...

1- The Oprah Winfrey Network has cancelled the Rosie O'Donnell show after just five months. The show was flawed and inconsistent in entertainment value, however Rosie is a gem and Oprah knows a little something about talk shows... why not fix it and give it more time?

2- The new season of Dancing With the Stars starts this week and features such luminaries as Mery Streep and Julia Roberts. I'm kidding, they wouldn't touch that crap. It features Roshon Fegan, who like you I have never heard of, The View's resident homophobic nitwit Sherri Shepherd, and assorted nobodies. Count me out.

3- The court case of Nicollette Sheridan versus her former bosses at Desperate Housewives has violence, money, lying, and fab clothes... if the show were this good I would still be watching!

4- Now that The Oprah Winfrey Show has left the airwaves, the Dr Phil show is the number one syndicated show... on the upside, it's better than Jerry Springer.

5- The big screen version of 21 Jump Street hit theatres this week, and is actually getting good reviews... who saw that coming?

6- Oscar winner Adrien Brody is doing TV commercials for Gillette razors... oh dude, I'm so sorry it's gotten that bad.

7- Some chick who was fired from The Talk last summer took to twitter to claim it was because cohost Sharon Osbourne hated her. Hey, Leah Remini, it was last summer, if you had an issue then why not take it up then? And Sharon Osbourne lives with Ozzy and Kelly and all the other wack-a-doodle Osbournes... she is used to batshit crazy, I would think she loves you!

8- The Big Bang Theory wasn't on this week, as it was pre-empted by a basketball game. Good call folks, cuz yep that's the same effing demographic....

What's caught your attention on TV recently?

March 16, 2012

John Lennon: Free Your Mind....

I was a kid when John Lennon was killed, so I became a fan of his music and especially his politics posthumously... and this is one of my favourites of his many amazing quotes.

The world would be a better place if more people thought this way... Imagine....

March 15, 2012

Those Silly Broke Foreigners....

My latest audio 'read' is a smart entertaining eye opener... and by "eye opener" I mean Holy Fuck, maybe I am naive but is this crazy stupid criminal financial shit really going on in the world...?

In Boomerang, author Michael Lewis travels to five financial hot zones -- 'the new third world' as he calls it -- to better understand what the hell happened with the economic meltdown.

Lewis travels to Iceland, Greece, Ireland, Germany and sunny bankrupt California; he tells the stories of their financial misadventures and disasters by letting the real characters tell their stories. Descriptions of people are funny, insightful, playful and sometimes cutting. Think of it as the Cliff Notes version of a text book mixed with one-liners from a roast (the book is based on a serves of Vanity Fair articles).

Bankers and politicians fare badly in Boomerang, coming across as anywhere from inept to corrupt.

While the Icelanders' tale is almost comical in their greedy naiveté, the German bankers come across as shocked - just shocked!!! - that Wall Street bankers would rip them off, and in Greece and in California the players come across as morally bankrupt and probably criminal. Ireland might be the most interesting of them all, as their egos and national bravado simply outrun their common sense.

Boomerang is told through colourful conversations with the key players, from Icelandic fishermen to Greek monks to Irish bankers to a Dallas hedge-fund owner to former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. Ah-nold, in case you were wondering, comes across as well-intentioned but shallow and hugely egotistical.

There are no heroes here.

Lewis has a reputation as an entertaining business writer, and this book lives up to that. While Boomerang probably oversimplifies both the cause and effect of world economic issues, it is an insightful and enjoyable read.

The Greece section was probably the most newsworthy as that country is so much in the headlines right now with their European Union bailout. Lewis describes cultural and political practices that contributed to the country's debt problems. Those include a widespread practice of citizens and companies avoiding taxes... they don't wanna pay and no one is gonna make them. Some poor schmuck of a tax collector who actually tries to do his job ultimately loses that job. It feels like everyone is corrupt there...

"In Athens, I several times had a feeling new to me as a journalist: a complete lack of interest in what was obviously shocking material," Lewis writes, describing his many interviews with bankers, tax collectors and a former member of parliament. "Scandal after scandal poured forth. Twenty minutes into it I'd lose interest. There were simply too many: they could fill libraries, never mind a book."

When the Greek government learned their finances were not healthy enough to get them into the European Union, they simply cooked their books and hid many billions of debt. The more I learned about Greek finance the less sympathy I had for them.

During Boomerang I alternated between laughing out loud and saying "WHAT THE FUCK?" out loud. Yes, while alone in my car...

By the end of his journeys, Lewis concludes that the root cause of the meltdown is human nature, specifically greed and short term thinking. Americans want monster houses they cannot really afford, Icelandic fisherman don't want to be fishermen anymore, and so on. He's right, and he might be underplaying the accountability... while many people lost everything, many others got very rich and walked away.

We were all misled. Justice has not been served. And while Boomerang is not a full picture of where we are or how we got here, it is a fascinating piece of the puzzle...

March 13, 2012

Looking for the best ex of her life...

As doing nothing is a perfect weekend plan, we spent a snowy Sunday curled up on the sofa with the world's cutest canines watching What's Your Number? And while this flick was astonishingly not even mentioned at the Oscars (kidding, not a chance), it was a fun two-hour escape.

The razor-thin plot: Ally comes across a Marie Claire article which asks the reader to calculate how many people she has slept with and tells her what her number means. Reading that her number of 19 is double the average, and that if she hits 20 she is unlikely to find a husband ever, Ally decides to track down all of her ex-boyfriends in the hope that one of them will have grown into the man she wants to marry, so the number of men she has slept with will never increase. And in case none of the exes work out, she will save herself so that "Mr 20" will be her future husband.

With the help of her womanizing neighbor Colin, played by an often shirtless Chris Evans, Ally manages to find all of her exes, but things do not quite work out the way she had expected.

Ally's exes range from married to engaged to gay to missing to puppeteer to perfect-but-boring. And sometimes Mr Right is the guy next door... okay, so we all know how we this is going to play out, but when the jokes are funny and the leads are charming, what does it matter? In What's Your Number the playing-out is fun.

Beware prudes, this raunchy movie references penises and vaginas with reckless abandon. But despite the obviousness and crude language of the screenplay, there is real romantic comedy here. Chris Evans is hunky and charming as the Twitter-loving matchmaker, and there is something really attractive about Anna Faris as loveable klutz Ally. Think of a young Goldie Hawn in a lighter-than-air Bridesmaids.

This is not a deep flick; it is an endearing fast funny sex comedy. However as I am prone to over-thinking every damn thing, there are some real questions there if you really want to think about them...

... How many lovers is too many? In today's world are people still counting? How much of yourself do you give up to date someone else? Does it matter how many people you have slept with? Why wasn't this charming romantic comedy a bigger hit? Is there a double standard men vs women? What about us gay guys, do we even keep track of our numbers? Why isn't Ana Faris a bigger star? ... and... with Chris Evans being so damn attractive, why does he bother to wear clothes at all?

March 11, 2012

George Clooney On Gay Rumours...

As if we need yet another reason to love the handsome activist actor George Clooney, recently seen in the marriage equality play "8", here is an excerpt from his recent interview in The Advocate:

The gay rumor has followed you for years.
I think it’s funny, but the last thing you’ll ever see me do is jump up and down, saying, “These are lies!” That would be unfair and unkind to my good friends in the gay community. I’m not going to let anyone make it seem like being gay is a bad thing. My private life is private, and I’m very happy in it. Who does it hurt if someone thinks I’m gay? I’ll be long dead and there will still be people who say I was gay. I don’t give a shit.

As someone twice-named People’s Sexiest Man Alive, which man do you find sexy?
Not that I don’t think Bradley Cooper is a perfectly sexy guy, but I’m still shocked that Ryan Gosling didn’t get Sexiest Man Alive last year. I thought he worked hard and ran a very solid campaign, so I feel that he was ripped off.

When did you decide to get involved in the fight for marriage equality?
It’s always been this albatross that stood out to me as the final leg of the civil rights movement. It really came to a head during the 2004 elections, when it was used as a wedge issue, and it was a very effective tool to keep the Republicans in office and to avoid talking about other issues. Well before Prop. 8, I’ve made the point that every time we’ve stood against equality, we’ve been on the wrong side of history. It’s the same kind of argument they made when they didn’t want blacks to serve in the military, or when they didn’t want blacks to marry whites. One day the marriage equality fight will look as archaic as George Wallace standing on the University of Alabama steps keeping James Hood from attending college because he was black. People will be embarrassed to have been on the wrong side. So it’s encouraging to know that this too will seem like such a silly argument to our next generation. There are even a lot of young conservatives today for whom marriage equality isn’t an issue. It always takes government an extra generation to catch up to the people.

What can I say? Smart, talented, started on The Facts of Life, works to make the world a better place... YAY George!

March 8, 2012

You Are What You Tweet...

I was sucker punched this week. Scammed. Ripped off. Taken advantage of... like that time in sixth grade when that greasy kid knocked me down and stole my Pop Tart. But without the gourmet toaster pastries.

My twitter account was hacked, and a message sent out to many tweety friends saying "Click here to see what people are saying about you" and then a click-through to some nefarious soul-sucking website... (Santorum?). Okay I don't know what it was for, but it has to be bad, right?

To be clear, I was scammed and people were inconvenienced. It was unsettling, not earth-shattering. This is not a crazy Kim Novak rant (she is the untethered old actress who accused The Artist of "rape" for using Hitchcock's music in their score). Life goes one.

To celebs like Scarlett Johanssen who have been hacked and had nude pics sent out on the interweb, I feel a little more empathy for you. Only a little though, cuz if you didn't take nude pics on your phone, there would be nothing to be hacked.

To the organizations that have been hacked, like NBC and Fox News, I feel more empathy for you as well. Okay, not Fox News... screw you and the horse you rode in on.

Why would someone hack me? To sell stuff? Promote gambling sites or porn? Spread a virus? Just for kicks? Mystery to me.

Aren't there people more deserving of hacking? Romney? Newt? ...Kirk Cameron?

So it was annoying. And I changed my password on every fucking thing I have, including at work. And I discovered that is a hell if a lot of passwords.

Most people who got my fake direct message tweet were kind, tweeting or direct messaging to ask if was really me or to let me know was a scam.

Then out of the blue, some woman who I do not know sent me a message that said "Good try to scam me, you ASSHOLE!"

Uh... what? It was already a stressful evening, and I need that to upset me even more? Hey lady... you are what you tweet.

March 6, 2012

Dirty Sexy Plumbers...

Check out this commercial for Liquid Plumr, the well known chemical drain opener from Clorox, apparently a company filled with bad spellers (uh, Plumr?).

This product has been around since the 1960s; so looks like it's a stodgy old brand that probably wants to seem a bit more contemporary. This ad may just do that....

I am all for creative freedom, and fun commercials and sexy commercials... but I'm not sure if that sexiness applies to household cleaning products. This isn't quite David Beckham selling underwear; does it seem like the product matches the ad style? And is there a vulgarity meter on these things?

In this ad, Liquid Plumr introduces a new product, a snake that goes deep into drains to clear blockages. Cue the innuendo-laden sexy plumbers: I’m here to snake your drain. I’m here to flush your pipe. Then cue the Barry White-esque voiceover referencing a looooong snake and encouraging the plumbers to finish off the rest.

Eww.... a Liquid Plumr threesome.

The “Double Impact” is an obvious reference to several sex acts, and it’s received a mixed welcome on social media. Some comments I saw slammed this as sexist. I don't agree with that, I just think it's class-less. Is this woman harbouring a secret fantasy to be sexually ravaged by plumbers? And is that necessarily sexist? Is it insulting, or just dirty fun?

It's vulgar, and semi-clever, and it works... this ad got us talking about Liquid Plumr. And it went viral, getting more than a million online viewings last week. This was fuelled by the publicity from the ad being slammed by the conservative activist group One Million Moms, the Ellen-hating moms who slammed JC Penney for hiring her.

Hey if One Million Moms hates this ad, then Liquid Plumr must be doing something right!

March 3, 2012

After "8"...

It's 11 PM Saturday night, and I just finished watching the online streaming of 8, the play about the fight for marriage equality with Goerge Clooney, Brad Pitt, Jaime Lee Curtis, Martin Sheen, Jane Lynch, and a bunch of other top talent.

I am now watching a drag queen version of Jersey Shore moron Snooki on the Lindsay Lohan episode of Saturday Night Live.

So, uh, yes it is a Twilight Zone of extremes. And it got me thinking about life, about my life. Clearly Alfie is enthralled as he snores while he sleep-farts beside me. Good thing he's so cute.

Aside from the tragic wars and tornadoes, and the ridiculous hypocrisy of Canadian politics, the media pop culture news this week has been shocking.... popular radio jerk Rush Limbaugh attacking women, washed up actor Kirk Cameron denounced homosexuality as "unnatural" and "destructive", and a teacher in Tennessee telling her gay students they are going to hell... holy fuck, is is 1908?

Although my life like yours can be stressful and weird and exhausting, I know how fortunate I am to have this life, and to have this marriage.

8 is written by Oscar-winning screenwriter Dustin Lance Black and is taken directly from the transcripts of the Proposition 8 trial in California, where the courts ultimately struck down the state's ban on gay marriage. It is fast and smart, and a fascinating element to me was the theme of how once you got past the screaming and the hyperbole of the two sides, once the haters (hey, I'm not objective, people) were going into court and had to be under oath and defend their positions, they couldn't. And most of them didn't even show up.

Anti- Prop 8 lawyer David Boies said it best in his remarks afterward: "We DID put fear and prejudice on trial, and fear and prejudice LOST!"

A full version will be posted on YouTube soon. It is entertaining and emotional, and Kevin Bacon looks especially hot in a suit and glasses. Watch it....

March 1, 2012

Hey Canada, Here Comes The Bachelor...

Here in Canada we look south of the border for our biggest pop culture influences --- from Dallas to Glee to Star Wars, your pop culture is our pop culture.

We occasionally have a homegrown hit never seen south of the border, like the clever Corner Gas and unfunny Little Mosque on the Prairie.

And then there are the stars we export south, like Justin Beiber. You're welcome.

Lately, with the surge in reality shows, no only have we been importing your Kardashian crap, we have been creating our own versions, like Canada's Got Talent and Canada's Next Top Model.

And coming soon... The Bachelor Canada! I actually thought this was a Saturday Night Live comedy video when I saw the commercial, then realized it wasn't Saturday and it wasn't live and this silliness was real.

The commercial I saw was advertising for bimbos -- uh, single eligible young ladies -- to appear on the show. So I of course headed right over to the application website, as any married gay guy would naturally do.

What did I find? The Bachelor Canada insists that applicants be unattached in this televised pursuit of love. If you’ve been in a relationship longer than two months or are roommates engaging in a “friends with benefits” type of relationship, then you’re not eligible. You must be at least 19, a Canadian citizen or a permanent resident, never been convicted of a felony or run for political office, which you also can’t do for up to a year after the broadcast. Prospective bachelorettes must also agree to a background check and be willing to take part in risky endeavours such as skydiving, and release the show from legal recourse should something bad happen, like you die jumping from the plane. Or end up looking drunk stupid and slutty on TV in front of everyone you've ever met.

The application asks for a photo and video, and includes questions such as how would your friends describe you, what are your most important goals in life, what are your guilty pleasures, what is the best piece of advice you've ever gotten, and what do you look for in a man. I am guessing the answer to that last one is "over-whitened teeth and a TV show".

Why is The Bachelor still on the air? The message of the show is terrible. We're being told that women should be desperately auditioning for a man to marry, and that women are complete and utter nutjobs. Although this only applies to white women, as people of colour rarely get cast. Unless that colour is spray tan orange.

Judging by the commercials, Bachelor contestants are vicious to each other, Bachelor love is totally fake, and Bachelor women drink so much they should be giving out those roses at an AA meeting.

Why is this show coming to Canada? And are they gonna change the Bachelor catchphrase to "Will you accept this Maple Leaf?"

And shortly after we experience The Bachelor Canada, stay tuned because The Real Housewives of Vancouver is coming to a TV near me.... yes, really. Kill me now.