He had us at "hello"...

Now that he is heading into divorce #3 at age 49, gay dating site Manhunt wants Tom Cruise to explore his options...

I actually do feel bad for Katie Holmes....

The Book Was Better....

I read a lot. I watch movies a lot. I also eat jellybeans a lot, but that is not particularly relevant right now...

We just saw movie One Day with Anne Hathaway, and while it held my attention, it is a good thing it was five bucks for two people at home and not full price in the theatre

I actually wanted to see One Day in the movie theatre as I had loved the book so much, and I do like Anne Hathaway, however it had mediocre reviews and a really brief theatrical run. Which I should have known are usually signs of something.

In August 2010 I wrote this about the book One Day, and later chose it as one of my favourites of the year:

The best of the bunch is a book I had never heard of before, by a guy I had never heard of. The book is "One Day" by David Nicholls, and its premise could be gimmicky: the book traces the 20-year relationship of Emma and Dexter by checking in with them on July 15 every year, starting when they graduate university. What starts as a one-night stand becomes a flirtatious friendship between the entitled rich boy and the brainy bohemian girl. Though this is a fast summer read, it is smart and funny and touching, with great humour and great insight about your 20s to 30s to 40s. And sneaking in there beneath the comedy is a stealth tearjerker - these crazy kids are perfect for each other and yet cannot get together. I laughed and yes I welled up with a tear or two. Read it!

Sometimes book-to-movie adaptations work ----- the idea has to makes sense, and then they have to adapt it properly, not too strictly and not too wildly off course. There are lots that work really well, from Gone with the Wind to Terms of Endearment to the Lord Of The Rings.

Then you have those that don't work, from Striptease to One For The Money (both good books and bad movies).

With One Day I think they tried to mimic the book too closely, hitting all the plot points and not going into the emotions at all. Plus they took some of the edge off the lead characters to make them more mainstream. and maybe the 'one day a year' thing doesn't translate well to film. So skip the movie, read the book.

As for the next movie I want to see, it's based on Tolstoy. Oops, no it isn't... I actually don't think Magic Mike was a book first...

Sicky Sick Sick Sick...

I was sick last week. S.I.C.K.... hot sweats, cold chills, sore raspy throat, runny nose, coughing, sneezing, fever, lack of sleep, all that good stuff. And I was grumpy as hell.

And yes I went to work, because I am crazy busy with and I couldn't think of other options. And I was under the illusion (delusion?) that I was not replaceable.

If I were smarter I would have stayed home. But you gotta do what you gotta do.

So I carried around my Venti Starbucks tumbler filled with lemon NeoCitran (a coworker assumed it was vodka). I popped the 4-to-6-hour cold pills every two hours. I drank gooey watkins cough syrup out of a travel shot glass. Pretending they were jellybeans, I popped another kind of cold medicine that said not to mix with other drugs (uh, whatever). And I took the non-drowsy cold stuff to known me out at night. I suffered and I whined and I got through it.

I could hardly talk for three days... coworkers, friends, and husband, you're welcome.

What did I learn? Drugs are my friend. I am not a good patient. When you are having a tough week at work maybe being legally high is a good way to get through it. I am even less impatient with moronic drivers on the highway when I am downing cold pills with NyQuil.  And my car cannot blow hot air on my feet and air conditioning on my face at the same time.

Things I observed while I am sick: 30 Rock is past its peak. The speedometer on my car jumps around a lot. Even on drugs 2 Broke Girls is not so funny. Our local CBC radio morning guy is not the brightest crayon in the box. And Batman and Robin are totally gay.

One thing I was not able to do while sick? I delayed having my new passport picture taken, because with my shiny red Rudolph nose it looked like I have a nasty crack problem...  when in reality I just have a nasty jellybean problem.... although that sure would have been a hell of a photo to go through customs with!

Computers are so gay....

Sometimes I waste time online, okay most of the time. But sometimes I learn true scary important stuff. Here's what I learned this weekend....

Today would have been the hundred birthday of Alan Turing, someone whose name I have heard but who I knew nothing about. He was considered the father of computer science and artificial intelligence.

During the first world war Turing worked for the British Government Code and Cypher School, and later he worked at Manchester University. He published many papers on mathematical biology and created one of the first stored-memory computers. He famously assisted in breaking the Nazi code Enigma. The "Turing Machine" formalized the concepts of algorithm and computation and made way for the modern computer. Okay that is officially as geeky technical as I get...

Here is the terrifying history lesson for me... Turing's homosexuality resulted in criminal prosecution in 1952, when homosexuality was still illegal in the UK, and rather than prison he accepted treatment with female hormones (chemical castration) as his sentence. Ugh.

His conviction also led to the removal of his security clearance, which effectively ended his career. There is also evidence he was hounded because he was a gay man with top secret access and was therefore a security risk.

Turing is credited with saving millions of lives as a codebreaker, and I read that his group's work is believe to have shortened the war by two to four years. And yet he has largely been written out of history. Turing died of assumed suicide in 1954, at the age of 41.

In  2009, following an internet campaign, Prime Minister Brown official apologized on behalf of the British government "for the appalling way he was treated."

Turing has gotten some press on this anniversary, including a week of features on the BBC, and even new debate about whether his death was really suicide. However that works out, it is great he is getting some renewed attention and discussion.

It sounds weird to say, but Happy Birthday Mr Turing!

And oh yeah, I gotta read some more history....

Tacky cake of the year...

Talented and hungry-looking country singer LeAnn Rimes tweeted out this picture of her husband's birthday cake this weekend.

As a TMZ refresher, Rimes was a child singing star who has grown into a major country singer, and truly has one of the best voices out there.

Rimes also acts, and she met husband Eddie Cibrian (an actor from The Playboy Club and CSI best known for his shirtless work) on the set of a TV movie when both were married to other people. They denied the affair at first but Rimes has since confirmed it. Both then had tabloid-blazing messy divorces, especially his where custody of two kids was involved. They married last year.

The cake features Rimes and Cibrian in bed, with his kids off to the side looking away. Who the hell thinks of these things? All together now, let's say "....ick".

On the upside, Rimes is a huge advocate of marriage equality and gay rights in general and has appeared at many fund-raising events. On the other upside, Cibrian looks like this....

Those bastards hacked my LinkedIn account...

Last weekend I got an email from LinkedIn, the omnipresent business networking social media site, that I had to reset my password because their site had been hacked and passwords posted online, including mine.

First reaction... holy fuck!

Second reaction... well it's not like there's personal details or potentially embarrassing photos on there, like on Facebook, so no big deal...

Third reaction... my boss and most of my coworkers are on there, someone could do some nasty damage to my reputation by doing stuff like putting out comments with the word "fuck" in them.... holy fuck!

According to the email I got, the stolen passwords were posted on a website apparently just for kicks. An online article I saw said there was a phishing thing going on where they used your password to unleash a virus on your commuter. Also apparently for kicks. Bastards.

Also posted online were the most popular hacked LinkedIn passwords. The top ten, ranked from most common, were:
1- link
2- 1234
3- god
4- work
5- job
6- 12345
7- angel
8- the
9- ilove
10- sex

Uh, really? 1234? 12345? Link? Hey those feel secure. Douchebags.

Also in the top 30 passwords were 123456, 1234567, dick, bitch, 654321, monkey and master... so smart AND classy!

Maybe using 1234 as your password is asking for trouble? Not that I am saying you deserve to be hacked, necessarily, but you sure deserve a whack on the head for that one.

So yes I have changed my password. And no it is not alfred, and it was not ever 1234 or Link... morons....

Chevy Volt comes out....

While I am not typically a Chevrolet fan, I was disappointed to read recently that the electric Chevrolet Volt is not meeting sales expectations, because the idea of the car, which is an extended-range plug-in hybrid, is so great.

Then I saw this ad yesterday, released at this month's Motor City Pride event in Detroit, and I thought wow, how clever is that.... well done Chevrolet!

The ad is time to June which is pride month, and aimed at the eco-aware gay car-buying audience, which is all good. And sure beats those traditional girls-in-bikini ads the car companies did for so many years!

I still wish the Volt was more exciting looking though....

Keeping up with The Joneses...

With the advent of the internet, iPads, smartphones, and 950 TV channels, the world of marketing has changed phenomenally and exploded exponentially over the past few years. And yet I had never even thought of the kind of marketing we see in The Joneses.

I discovered this little-seen 2009 movie last week. In it Demi Moore and David Duchovny play parents of teenage kids who move to a swanky new neighbourhood and become instantly popular with their outgoing personalities, flowing money, endless free time, and amazing toys from the newest Audi to the newest golf clubs to the newest safari vacation. They are who the rich neighbours aspire to be.

But Kate and Steve Jones aren't really married, aren't really parents, and aren't really Kate and Steve Jones ---- they are marketers embedded in an upscale community to influence taste and trends. And to sell lots of expensive stuff.

The movie is entertaining, the idea is better. Because it is probably happening out there -- I have heard of influencers going into bars and ordering drinks they are paid to order, TV talk show hosts hawk their sponsored "favourite things" all the time, and people get "perks" products based on their Klout scores, so how far from reality is this really?

The Joneses does play it a bit safe, with a Hollywood-y romance and a hidden disclaimer in the guise of shady advertising boss Lauren Hutton saying the client companies don't know how their products are being marketed (don't wanna piss off Audi!), but the story is interesting and the performances are solid.

This is secret smart effective marketing, if yes a bit creepy, and is probably happening out there. The next time someone I sort of know is out there saying how wonderful a certain running shoe or golf club is, I am gonna wonder if they really like it or if they are playing me.

While I don't want a new life or to be an impostor in my own life, I am all for promoting cool stuff.... so hey Hey Apple and Audi, if you like this idea.... send your stuff this way!

On the other hand, hey Blackberry people --- you guys are pretty desperate these days, maybe you should think about building some buzz this extreme stealth marketing way....

My new favourite vibrator movie....

This weekend we went to see a movie that we both loved... Hysteria, the historical romantic comedy about the invention of the "personal massage device"... yep, it's about the invention of the vibrator. And it's based on a true story. So that makes it a history lesson, right?

This is the story of a young doctor desperate for work who takes on an apprenticeship with a rich older doctor who specializes in women's "hysteria"; his patients are basically bored lonely unsatisfied women in Victorian England who he finger-blasts to orgasm as "treatment" for their medically diagnosed hysteria. It is charming how innocently they do not think of this as sexual -- it is done in the manner of a gynaecological appointment, up to and including the orgasm part.

As the young doctor, played by Hugh Dancy, grows his career, he begins to date the doctor's proper young daughter while also being drawn to the doctors' other misfit daughter, an outspoken  rebellious social activist played by Maggie Gyllenhaal.

While the young doctor because more expert and renowned for his own hysteria treatment, he develops the worse case of carpal tunnel I have ever seen.  So he has to figure out options. And at the same time his rich inventor friend played by Rupert Everett is working on an electric feather duster which gives him a idea... and hilarity ensures.

On the downside, I am guessing the movie is not exactly the literal truth on 1880s England, and at times the Gyllenhaal character is a bit too modern to be right for the times (I expected bra burning at any moment), but when the movie is this fun --- and sweetly innocent in a charming way --- I didn't really care.

At its heart, this comedy is a romance between a quiet cautious man and a loud liberated woman, and the vibrator story is a winning setting for it. See Hysteria...

If I Was Your Gayfriend....

You know that any hit song by Justin Beiber is gonna inspire rip-off's, spoofs and satires, and here is one I really like.

This is a take on Beiber's current single Boyfriend, with lesbians singing If I Was Your Gayfriend...  I think they do a great job, it is clever and funny. The lyrics are below...



If I was your gay friend
You'd never let me go
We could go to gay bars
Dance to techno

Ladies leave your purse
I can carry your phone
I got cargo pants on
And they really hold loads
No, no No hate

We could hold hands and protest prop 8
I'm not a straight girl, but I know about shoes
Say hello to Grisafe in 3..2...
Straight

I'd like to have more breeder friends
Hey girl, let me talk to you
If I was your gay friend
I'd never borrow clothes
Tell you when you look hot
I'm gay so i would know
If you want to ditch a douche bag
Let's put on a show
If I was your gay friend
You could iron my polo
You could iron my polo

We could watch the cubs
We could watch the bulls
We could watch the bears
Chilling' in our flannels
If you want to start a fight
I got your back let's throw
You know I'm kinda scrawny
But I got you lesbro
Sruurd

Gay friend Gay friend
I could be your gay friend
You could be my straight friend
Til I steal your girlfriend
Sorry bro
She was kinda dykey
You can do better
Plus I think kinda liked me
Sorry

I'd like to have more breeder friends
Hey boy let me talk to you
If was your gay friend
You could call me bro
I could be your wing man
We could tag-team ho's
If you want hit a strip club
Tell me and we'll go
If I was your gay friend
We could share cologne
We could share cologne

So give me a chance
It's what we both need, yeah
Spend a week with this 'mo and you'll wanna fly pride flag
If I was your gay
I'd always say yeah
Let's go drink champagne and get you laid

If I was your gay friend
You'd never let me go
Party til the sunrise
All my girls and bros
I would be the lesident
Of all you straighty folks
Be just like Obama
Help acceptance grow
Help acceptance grow

(video by Sami Grisafe, found on The Bilerico Project website)