Pole Dancing for Jesus...

Another week, another batch of real gay headlines from Queerty, The Advocate, Glenn Beck and other online homo news sources...

1- My Own Private Orgasm: Hot Guy Sings Simpson Medley

2- Why Does McDonald's Ask If The Happy Meal Is For a Boy Or a Girl?

3- Ricky Martin and Anderson Cooper Take Home GLAAD Awards

4- Pole Dancing for Jesus

5- Are Women More "Hetero-Flexbile" Than Men?

6- This Week in Lesbianish TV

7- Ask the Expert: "I Want To Be A Catch!"

8- New IKEA Ad Features Gay Couple

9- Chord Overstreet Has A Tight End

10- Word of the Day: "Ghey"

11- You're Not Alone In Thinking Movies Make All Gays Look Like Campy Whores

and at # 12, my personal favourite....

You're a Disappointing Gay Best Friend If You Don't Agree On Who's A Hot Tranny Mess!

What will happen if gay marriage is legalized?

Gay marriage is already legal here in Canada, so this is for the benefit of our American friends....

*from amandahall.tumbler.com

Home alone...

My husband left early this morning, heading very far south... to South America. I am at home with the dogs, watching tv, eating Allsorts.

Not a bad way to be actually. K is on a three week tour of Peru: Lima, Machu Picchu, Cuzco, rainforest, blah, blah, blah. It's something he has always wanted to do, and is literally on his bucket list.

Why am I not going with him? He gets more vacation time from work. He has more of a gypsy traveller soul. And frankly if a trip requires anti-malaria pills and zip-off pants, I am pretty damn sure that is not my kind of vacation.

This will be the longest we have been apart since K and I got married. It's not the longest time apart since we met; a few weeks after we met three years ago, K was for three weeks to trek through Nepal and Bhutan. I had never heard of Bhutan.

He has an old traveller's soul, and, some gypsy blood that I don't. And that's not tiger blood, that's gypsy blood (note random Charlie Sheen reference). Vacations are important for the soul and wonderful for the spirit. We all replenish ourselves differently. My way is more likely to be traipsing through art galleries in New York, or doing the tourist thing in Paris. I am also a fan of the staycation --- let me curl up in the basement with a book and a bunch of movies, with the pooches napping in front of the fireplace, and I am a happy dude.

What am I gonna do while K is away? Eat microwave popcorn, play with the dogs, watch tons of movies, hope the house doesn't flood from melting snow, read the new Jodi Picoult book, wait for him to come home, and look forward to our next vacation together... so do I get that husband of the year trophy?

RIP Dame Elizabeth Taylor

Two-time Oscar winning actress, activist, business woman, fragrance queen, gay icon, art collector, and tabloid queen, Dame Elizabeth Taylor, who died last week, has left the bulk of her $600 million estate to AIDS charities... now that is a real dame!

"It's not the having, it's the getting."

"I don't think President Bush is doing anything at all about AIDS. In fact, I'm not sure he even knows how to spell AIDS."

"People who know me well, call me Elizabeth. I dislike Liz."

"I've been through it all, baby, I'm mother courage."

"Big girls need big diamonds."

"Worse than the virus [HIV], there was the terrible discrimination and prejudice that left in its wake. Suddenly it made gay people stop being human beings and started becoming the enemy. I knew that somebody had to do something."

These pooches live like princes...

Our kids, err, dogs, Alfred and Quinn live a pretty pampered existence: doggie day care, toys galore, indulgent grandparents, a fenced-in backyard, top-notch dog food, lots of treats, visits to the off-leash park, lots of love and attention every single day.

This past Sunday we both had the day off, and aside from going out for a couple of hours in the afternoon, we were home for the day. So Alfie and the Quinnster got lots of love. And lots of food, lots and lots of food...
-doggie food breakfast
-scrambled egg scraps
-doggie food crunch for lunch
-when we headed out, into-kennel treats: chicken-flavoured chews
-when we returned home, out-of-kennel treats: carrot-flavoured dog bites
-cantaloupe
-two-year old cheddar cheese
-dinner promptly at 6 PM: dog food for Alfie, whole chicken drumstick for Quinn
-cookie @ 7PM sharp
-cookie @ 8PM sharp
-bedtime Greenie, their favourite of them all...

Uh, is this how other dogs live? I am guessing no.

And, no, this was not a typical day... Friday was pizza night, Saturday was pizza morning. Dogs luuuuv pizza...

Star Wars' Gay Stormtrooper...?

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away... there was no such thing as Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

I remember my brother and me having tons of Star Wars toys and paraphenalia when we were kids, but I sure don't remember this one!

The business travel gods are out to get me...

Last week was supposed to be easy, seamless even --- a quick three-day business trip, a road trip so not even the hassle of airport security who seem gleeful when they 'randomly' select me or my bags for an extensive search or full-body scan.

My coworker J and I set out early one morning, picked up our rental car, a Kia Rondo, who the hell has even heard of a Rondo, and we set out on our journey...

1- checking into hotel, J gets upgraded suite on 20th floor, I get tiny room on the fifth floor beside the ice machine. I am happy for her. Bitch.

2- driving through Calgary with my trusty GPS "Karen", she says take make a U-turn right now! Uh-huh. I can see our destination far ahead on the right. Where the hell are you taking me?

3- out for sushi with a friend that night, realise on drive back to hotel that she is headed in wrong direction. and driving wrong way in centre lane.

4- breakfast the next day, I am all showered, shaved, suited up and ready for the day, and spill ketchup all over my tie. Obsess over clumsiness. Yep I am a polished professional. Quick tie change ensues, yesterday's tie makes an encore appearance.

5- getting ready the next day, I cannot find my cuff links. I search the hotel room, my suitcase, laundry bag, everywhere. Report them as missing to hotel. Silently suspect housekeeping stole them,while leaving the laptop and iPad untouched. Go through day with long flappy shirt sleeves rolled up.

6- treat myself to a present after end of long day, buy amazing leather bag (yes I am a man bag whore) and bring it home that night. Next day zipper falls off.

7- Getting close to home that night after 15-hour day, drunk guy is prowling in middle of road, waving a pizza box, approaches my car singing in what I suspect is really bad Spanish. I commit small traffic infraction to avoid drunken pizza guy.

8- Next day find my cuff links buried in pocket of suitcase, beneath ketchup tie. Oops.

Ah, travel is so much fun sometimes......

Some things are just wrong...

I am all for making public washrooms more appealing... okay first make them more clean, then focus on more appealing...

that being said, whether this is inspired by pop art or the Rolling Stones or some urine-soaked sexual preference, all I gotta say is... NO.

Holy crap, don't do THAT while you're driving!

Coming into effect July 1st, here in Alberta, is the most extensive distracted driving law in Canada. Finally, our politicians did something smart...

Alberta's legislation is unique in Canada because it addresses a broad range of dangerous driving distractions, including using a phone, applying makeup and grooming, using a laptop, texting and e-mailing. Also singled out: reading, writing, drawing, sketching and personal grooming.

I have seen people eating sushi, applying mascara, shaving, and reading a book while driving. And goofier stuff.

The new law also applies to cyclists, although personally I sort of want to see one of them drawing and personal grooming while they cycle. Sounds like a Bugs Bunny cartoon sprung to life!

While the law already sounds overly specific, I think they haven't gone far enough. There are lots of distracted driving morons out there. Here's more goofy driving behaviour, stuff I have actually seen people do behind the steering wheel, that we should outlaw:

(1) fiddling with an iPod

(2) reaching into a bucket of KFC, squeezing the little ketchup packet, and eating the greasy chicken

(3) playing with a semi-dog cute on your lap

(4) playing a guitar

(5) tearing a newspaper into strips

(6) picking your nose

(7) eating with chopsticks, and yes is worse than eating something else

(8) changing clothes

(9) turning around to adjust kids' seatbelts in the back seat

(10) presumably studying for an exam as the goofball was highlighting a textbook

(11) Windexing the inside of the windshield

(12) Looking through binoculars

Some people are just morons. What's the stupidest thing you've seen behind the wheel?

Anderson Cooper is gonna hate this book...

CNN hottie Anderson Cooper is going to hate Confessions of a Gay Anchor by Charles Perez because it drags him out of the closet kicking and yes, screaming. Not that we didn't know, Anderson.

Same for TV honcho Barry Diller, who is married to designer Diane Van Furstenburg, cuz it does the same for him. And makes him look like an egotistical asshole as well.

Other people who aren't going to like Confessions of A Gay Anchor: homophobic Geraldo Rivera, closeted Sam Champion of Good Morning America, TV execs he rips, family members of the author, and snooty literary reviewers.

I remember Charles Perez from his talk show in the early 90s, I thought he was cute and likely gay and then didn't really give him a second thought. He hosted that show, produced several others, anchored local TV news in Florida, and then got headlines when he sued the station for demoting and firing him because he was gay. A firing which is apparently legal in Florida by the way, how fucked up is that?

Confessions' chapters on gay Hollywood are dishy fun. Perez name drops a lot -- working for naive Ricki Lake and tight ass Montel Williams, sleeping with mogul David Geffen, repeatedly calling on Anderson Cooper and others to come out of the closet. It's bitter and a blast.

Also interesting are what Perez has to say about how the tv business works, which is all ego and power, and his difficult stories about coming out to himself and his family. He gets a little preachy on equality issues, and then ends the story on a happy note with his marriage and adoption of a little girl.

Confessions of a Gay Anchor is worth reading because it has fun and substance, and because I think it is a step forward every time someone comes out of the closet. Take that, Anderson Cooper!

Oscars, Peeing Morons & Things That Annoy The Crap Out Of Me...

I am starting to think that I may be impatient and easily annoyed... nah, that couldn't be... except for these morons....

1- Much as I love the Huffington Post, what the hell is up with those oh so loud commercials? I do not care about the Evo, and while I am online late at night I do not need its loud commercial blasting with no off button. I curse you Arianna Huffington!

2- People who TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.

3- Stupid drivers, more specifically stupid parkers -- you paid for one spot, people, park your car in one spot!

4- When I was leaving work the other day, in blistering cold and snow, there was a moron in the covered parking lot with his pants down, peeing against a cement column. You are at a shopping centre with dozens of public washrooms, jerkwad. A couple of them are even clean. Use them.

5- Charlie Sheen.

6- The media obsession with Charlie Sheen.

7- To the producers of this year's Academy Awards -- I want my three hours and eleven minutes back. Really. Oh, and Ricky Gervais says thank you for making him look good.

8- The endless media coverage of the upcoming royal wedding. I mean they seem like nice enough kids, but really, who cares?

9- The little gremlins who scurry into my laptop at night and make weird stuff happen like snow and freezing screens and weird error messages and not sending emails.... aargh!

Okay, rant over... for now....

Everytime gays marry, a traditional family explodes...

Horny priests & other gay headlines...

Out here on the worldwide web, I read and follow lots of gay-themed news sites and blogs-- Queerty, The Advocate, Joe My God, Alltop's GLBT site, and Fox News. Okay, kidding on that last one.

Sometimes this brings me serious hard news, and sometimes it brings wacky crap. Either way, the headlines always totally rock. Here's a sampling of what I saw on Friday alone. And none of these are made up...

1- Drunk Priest Offers Oral Sex to Cops

2- Same-Sex Marriage Leads to Communism? Hah!

3- Diane Lane is One Hot Supermom

4- Donald Trump Doesn't Want Fags To Have Shared Medical Benefits, Either

5- The Secret About The Straight Guys At The Gay Gym

6- Gay Airline Employee Says He's Too Gay To Work At Airline, Where Being Gay Is Required

7- Wonder Woman Reboot's Lesbian Twist

8- Should A Wife Tell Her Best Friend That Their Husbands Are Gay (And Sleeping Together)?

9- TurboTax Can't Handle Your Weird Gay Marriage

and my personal favourite...

10-Word of the Day: "Leather Spinster"

All true, yes really. I could not make this stuff up...

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss!

Happy birthday today to Theodore Geisel, who we all know better as Dr. Seuss.

Okay technically speaking he's dead, so maybe Hey Dead Guy, Best Wishes on the Anniversary of Your Birthday is a better and more appropriate greeting?

I love Dr Seuss: clever, artistic, environmental, optimistic, inspiring, and hey he rhymes too!

Theodore Seuss Geisel, commonly known by his pen name Dr. Seuss, was born March 2, 1904. He published 44 children's books, which were often characterized by imaginative characters, rhyme, and frequent use of trisyllabic meter.

His most celebrated books include Green Eggs and Ham, The Cat in the Hat, One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, Horton Hears a Who! and How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

To honour the good doctor, here are some favourite Seussian quotes....

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.

I meant what I said and I said what I meant.

The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.

Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So... get on your way.

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere!

My favourite is Seuss book is The Lorax, which chronicles the plight of the environment through the character of the Lorax, who speaks -- in rhyme, of course -- for the trees against the greedy Once-ler. Logging companies must hate this book. There is a 3D animated movie version due next year, with voices by Danny Devito, Zac Efron, and Betty White.

I love Seuss so much, I even wanted to see the hated Seussical The Musical. Even when Rosie O'Donnell starred in it. But I didn't. Maybe there will be a revival. Or maybe not...