1- The History Channel's obsession with Hitler. This week's treasure was High Hitler (ooh, clever pun on Heil Hitler) about the Fuhrer's drug use. Yes history is vital, I majored in history for chrissake, still, Hitler's pill count?
2- Levi Johnson. I feel dirty just writing your name here. You want to be an actor? A reality-TV star? A Palin in-law? A nude model? Now you want to run for mayor of Wasilla? What the hell is your talent, besides random sperm dissemination, which by the way we can all effing do. Shut up and go away forever.
3- Superbitch Kerrie on Party Mamas; for her daughter's 14th birthday she spent $65k on a party her daughter didn't want. The party included a hideous bridal cake her daughter hated. A good role model of values? Ha! Tis wingnut describes herself as the ultimate stage mom, and "would give up food before she gave up Botox."
4- Nasty right wing politicians who claim illegal immigrants are sneaking in to the US to have "anchor babies" so they won't be deported. Yep, sleeper cell kids. Uh-huh. Hate immigrants much? As my secret husband Jon Stewart says, you know you are in trouble when someone starts with "I know it's hard to be tough on babies BUT..."
5- Bruce Jenner's face. What, you think Joan Rivers took it too easy with the plastic surgery?
6- President Obama playing basketball in front of the media. I still kind of like you, stop trying to be an MTV star and do important stuff.
7- Dogs who randomly change the TV channel by falling asleep on the TV remote and shifting as they dream.
8- Those douchebag marketers opening the new Pop Tart store in Times Square, featuring future classics like Elvis Pop Tarts and Sushi Pop Tarts. It is sick and wrong. And yes I will go and spend hard-earned money. Bastards.
9- When Microsoft Word autocorrects what I am writing to something that is not correct, not relevant and not what I was trying to say. You're not effing helping me!
10- The bitter old bag -- sorry -- youth-impaired, happiness-impaired bag - who cut ahead of me in line at the checkout and then paid with a cheque. A cheque? Is this 1974? And why do you move at the pace of an arthritic caterpillar EXCEPT when you are cutting in ahead of me? Aaaaargh!
11- Dr Laura being a racist. Actually the fact that people are shocked, SHOCKED, that she is a racist. This woman, who got her "Dr" in something like phys ed or basket weaving, has called gays deviants and predators, and thinks women should be barefoot and pregnant. So you are surprised she is a racist? Calling Mel Gibson...
12- Penny-pinching doctors too cheap to buy current magazines. I was in my chiropractor's office this week and the best I could find was "O" The Oprah Magazine from November 2006. Yes, I was reading the Oprah magazine. I was there, it was there. Anyhow, back to the cheapskate doctor: I am paying you $46 for nine minutes of your time, spring for an effing subscription! Oh, and Dr. Phil thinks we are all going to have a meaningful 2006 Christmas as long as we... whatever, I didn't actually read the Dr Phil blather. He annoys me too....