August 19, 2010

Stupid Things That Annoy The Crap Out Of Me, Chapter 5...

Is it good or bad that we never seem to run out of stupid stuff from stupid people? Here is what is bugging me now...

1- The History Channel's obsession with Hitler. This week's treasure was High Hitler (ooh, clever pun on Heil Hitler) about the Fuhrer's drug use. Yes history is vital, I majored in history for chrissake, still, Hitler's pill count?

2- Levi Johnson. I feel dirty just writing your name here. You want to be an actor? A reality-TV star? A Palin in-law? A nude model? Now you want to run for mayor of Wasilla? What the hell is your talent, besides random sperm dissemination, which by the way we can all effing do. Shut up and go away forever.

3- Superbitch Kerrie on Party Mamas; for her daughter's 14th birthday she spent $65k on a party her daughter didn't want. The party included a hideous bridal cake her daughter hated. A good role model of values? Ha! Tis wingnut describes herself as the ultimate stage mom, and "would give up food before she gave up Botox."

4- Nasty right wing politicians who claim illegal immigrants are sneaking in to the US to have "anchor babies" so they won't be deported. Yep, sleeper cell kids. Uh-huh. Hate immigrants much? As my secret husband Jon Stewart says, you know you are in trouble when someone starts with "I know it's hard to be tough on babies BUT..."

5- Bruce Jenner's face. What, you think Joan Rivers took it too easy with the plastic surgery?

6- President Obama playing basketball in front of the media. I still kind of like you, stop trying to be an MTV star and do important stuff.

7- Dogs who randomly change the TV channel by falling asleep on the TV remote and shifting as they dream.

8- Those douchebag marketers opening the new Pop Tart store in Times Square, featuring future classics like Elvis Pop Tarts and Sushi Pop Tarts. It is sick and wrong. And yes I will go and spend hard-earned money. Bastards.

9- When Microsoft Word autocorrects what I am writing to something that is not correct, not relevant and not what I was trying to say. You're not effing helping me!

10- The bitter old bag -- sorry -- youth-impaired, happiness-impaired bag - who cut ahead of me in line at the checkout and then paid with a cheque. A cheque? Is this 1974? And why do you move at the pace of an arthritic caterpillar EXCEPT when you are cutting in ahead of me? Aaaaargh!

11- Dr Laura being a racist. Actually the fact that people are shocked, SHOCKED, that she is a racist. This woman, who got her "Dr" in something like phys ed or basket weaving, has called gays deviants and predators, and thinks women should be barefoot and pregnant. So you are surprised she is a racist? Calling Mel Gibson...

12- Penny-pinching doctors too cheap to buy current magazines. I was in my chiropractor's office this week and the best I could find was "O" The Oprah Magazine from November 2006. Yes, I was reading the Oprah magazine. I was there, it was there. Anyhow, back to the cheapskate doctor: I am paying you $46 for nine minutes of your time, spring for an effing subscription! Oh, and Dr. Phil thinks we are all going to have a meaningful 2006 Christmas as long as we... whatever, I didn't actually read the Dr Phil blather. He annoys me too....

18 comments:

Penny Lane said...

I refuse to read anything to do with Levi or Dr. Laura or Oprah, except when she had Ellen on her cover. I still didn't buy the magazine though. Don't even get me started on the age-impaired. Moose Jaw is swarmed with them and makes simple trips downtown result in near-aneurysms on a daily basis.

Ray's Cowboy said...

I have to say I fully agree with you on This. I normally take my old mag's to the Doctor's office and leave them for somebody else. I figure I am recyling that away. And they have current one up there now.
Ray

Annie (Lady M) x said...

Oprah? As in Oprah fat-thin-fat Winfrey? Blimey, I didn't know she was still going. Here is another irritant - people who bust a gut to overtake you, and then immediately slam on their brakes and turn off onto another road. Yes, it happened to me today.

Saucy B said...

Well said - I couldn't agree more!

Gnetch said...

I agree on everything. Especially on Levi. Everytime I see him on TV, I feel like strangling him. Not because he's a stupid douche. There's something about his features that's so annoyingly discusting.

TICKLEBEAR said...

ROTFLMAO !!!!
good one. i love when you're annoyed!!

#1: not in my cable package, fortunately. i would switch it right away...

#2: LEVI is good to be the butt of the joke. i mentionned him on "a certain" blog of mine and made fun of him. if alaskans could vote for SARAH as governor, and if republicans dream of sitting her ass in the oval office... (beurk!!), why not LEVI for mayor? we have a saying in french: "le ridicule ne tue pas!!" and this is a testimony to that.

#7: leave the poor dog alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
poor thing...

# 10: can't recall the last time i saw someone pay by check, but an old geezer paid her grocery ($8 something, for cat food and some other canned product...) in pennies and nickels..
kid you not!!
not only the cashier wanted to kill the old bat!!...

#11: it's almost cute how you included MEL into this one... couldn't do without him, right?!

#12:
your problem is: you get there too late. the doctor reads the magazines and leave them in the waiting room, but by mid-month, the best ones are gone!!! G-O-N-E!! leaving only the old one behind. i did that once, as i was reading something interesting for a change, and left with it to finish...
i'm not even ashamed!!!!!!!
it was at my dentist's, and you know how expensive they are?????????????????????????
I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alright!!
already looking forward to your next venting session.
BTW:
if there are "fast lanes" at the grocery store, why can't we have slow lanes for the old geezers, and those with coupns or that will argue about prices, etc... get my drift??
:/~
it's a good thing i don't have a permit to bear arm. i would make it my mission to rid society of a few nuisances. and to think i am such a pacifist deep down...
:D~

Gigi said...

Loved this!! Most of these things annoy me to no end as well. Particularly the check-writers. Seriously?????? AND, they didn't fill in all the could ahead of time so they'd only have to add the total & their name?! Ticklebear is right - give them their own lane. I'm on my lunch hour here and don't have all day.

garv said...

LOL LMAO@ Bruce Jenner afraid Joan Rivers didn't do enough plastic surgery.

bmat10 said...

I don't mind when people pay by check. I mind when they are standing in line doing NOTHING, Then when they get to the checkout, they do NOTHING just sit and watch the cash register. Then suddenly they have to pay. First they have to find the checkbook. Then they have to get to the right page, then they have to find a pen, then they have to ask who to make the check out too. Then they have to figure out the date...

Was the fact you were going to have to pay a surprise, could none of this be done while you were waiting in line. Just get the f*****g hell out of my way!

Wicked Shawn said...

Oh, such much goodness. You should have your secret husband call my secret man toy, Jimmy Fallon, they can arrange for the four of us to do a dinner thingy.

I'm with you on the President Obama thing, maybe he could do some important stuff every now and then. I think it's great that he is teaching us to exercise, because, ya' know, we will forget if we don't see him do it.

I was typing a paper for a Media class and spellcheck tried to correct mySpace by changing it to moustache. So on what planet would a person misspell moustache so badly that it would come out looking like mySpace. Oh, wait, see The History Channel's special High Hitler.

Dr. Laura is a racist. Yeah, Big Red Truck! No big surprise there, in related news, the earth is round and orbits the sun. WTF??!!

Lauren said...

Dr Laura eh? I think I have a letter on my blog that an American prof wrote her. Laughed my face off! You've probably seen it but if you haven't, I posted it on August 2. It also shocks me how fast the arthritic elderly can move when they need to. Or when they allegedly can't hear but as soon as you offer them a deal they agree within milliseconds... I see through their craftiness!

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

I do mind when people pay with cheques... altho I guess if they actually prepared like you say, would be okay. Have never seen that happen --- my time is valuable, people, speed the hell up!

As for the auto spell correct, I do like the MySpace/mustache one. My favourite happens at work all the time, I am typing fast and the word client or whatever I hit trying to type "client" becomes "cretin", so not exactly what I was going for there!

As for Dr Laura, I love Wicked Shawn's comment - like of course people, wake the hell up! I saw a clip of her on Larry Kind, where she said she is quitting her show to regain her first amendment right to free speech. Uh, you have that you idiot, you just want other people to not have that right to challenge you? Sure, cuz that is how democracy works, you bimbettee!

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Dr Laura has a new defender - Sarah Palin! And I think that kind of says it all.

Plus she has no idea of what her first amendment rights are, it means the government cannot censor her, except in cases of hate speech etc. Not the case here. Moron.

Wicked Shawn said...

I don't know......some of my "clients" are "cretins". That one, I might have to assume my my autocorrect was using a higher intelligence. :-) Just sayin'

erin said...

Best rave this year! Bellisimo!

I bet I spelled that wrong and now I look like a total douche. Please don't add me to your list.

that girl said...

this is exactly the type of post that i need to do. get it all off my chest y'know.

1- yeah, hitler. not a fan of that guy.

3- hate that entire show! should call it botox mamas.

5- seen kenny rogers lately? jeesh. now that's bad.

11 - this woman irritates me and needs to stick a sock in it.

12- couldn't agree with you more. i've already read that issue of readers digest from 1989. any tv doctor annoys me. get a real job.

Kevin said...

Dr Laura is still around? Who listens to her? Sheesh. My chiropractor is only $40 per visit and has up-to-date magazines (if you have time to even read them). Maybe you should check him out.

Bethany said...

hahaha! The last one was my fav! I was in a 'women's dr office' yesterday to find a golf magazine dated 2007 and thought how weird that was! haha

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