October 8, 2010

Why gay marriage is wrong...

A friend sent this to me, so am not sure of who wrote it. You can be sure it wasn’t Mel Gibson or Dr Laura. If it was you, bravo! If not, read on…

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, implants, polyester, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, longer life spans, or racial/ethnic equality.

17 comments:

singlemama_cc said...

I for one believe that children can and DO succeed without a male and female role model at home. That's like saying my kid would have a better chance at success if I had stayed living with and married to the meth addicted he-whore.....total shit on a shingle :) Oh wait...that's not what this post was about now was it. Christ..
I am also against marriage. Any and all kinds. The only ones benefiting from marriage are divorce attorneys
#FACT
xoxoxxo

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Bravo to the author!! Bravo!

Lauren said...

Hehehe, I've actually read that before. Still love it though. Are you sure Mel Gibson didn't write this?

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

My friend sent me this one and it was as hilarious now as it was when he sent it!!

vanita said...

oh this is too much. i wonder what would happen if i hang around skinny people . . . oh wait i do, and it's not working.

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

@ Vanita -- hee hee hee, hang around skinny people - that is hysterical! And a really valid point.

@ Lauren and Sara - cool that you have seen it before, this was new to me; a couple of years ago there was an open letter to Dr Laura that circulated which was also bang on, gonna try and find that one somewhere.

@ single mama - as a relative newlywed, I do believe in marriage (so far, so good!), and of course access to marriage for all. for those who want it. to each his own for sure!

@ Holly.... bravo indeed!

wcs said...

We're still working on that racial/ethnic equality thing...

Annie (Lady M) x said...

Ha ha! I love it...... it makes a total mockery of the bollocks spouted about gay marriage. My fave was the sanctity of marriage and Britney Spears!

Vodka Logic said...

Good one.. smart author.

Good point, gonna start hanging around skinny people. ;)

ajm said...

LOVE this! And I plan on stealing it, copying it, and using it liberally.

Fragrant Liar said...

The hypocrisy of the ultra-conservatives knows no bounds, Alfred. Love this list!

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Please go steal copy and use it liberally, that is what I did!

Brittany said...

PERFECT!

beyond perfect. Seriously!

vickilikesfrogs said...

Regarding #2...you mean "gay" is contagious??? Damn. Is "rich" catching also? I know for a fact that "dumb-ass" spreads like wild fire!

injaynesworld said...

That's just freakin' genius. Wish I could say I wrote it.

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Totally agree, Jane, I wish I had written it as well!

Mike said...

Perfect! Love it. Thanks for posting - and congrats on your blog award nomination!

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