October 6, 2010

Hold tight... it gets better!

In the wake of four recent teen suicides related to bullying and outing, activist columnist Dan Savage has done something great by starting the It Gets Better movement.

Nine out of ten gay teenagers experience bullying and harassment at school. Nine out of ten. I was teased and taunted, and beat up, as a kid. And much as I love Glee, how they show conflict isn't real, kids --- there wasn't singing or dancing involved. It was lonely and scary. And I got through it to the really good life I have today.

It Gets Better aims to show these teens, many of whom have no gay contacts or role models, that by pushing through the tough years they can come out at the other end happy and healthy and loved and validated, that it gets better.

Gay teens are four times more likely to attempt suicide. While there are more role models now than when I was a kid, there are painfully few, and often these kids are kept away from gay people who could help by their parents and schools. What is wrong with this picture?

Growing up can be scary and lonely. Like many gay kids, and probably many straight kids, I had my challenges when I was a kid: gay, fat, stutter, smart, Jewish do not add up to Mr Popularity. I had a small number of great friends, several of whom I still have contact with (thank you facebook).

Everyone needs hope. It Gets Better is a video movement Savage and his boyfriend started with a video of their own story, of the harassment they enjoyed in school and the full and rewarding lives they live now. There are now well over a hundred videos to show gay teens that people care, and while it features celebs like Anne Hathaway, Jenny McCarthy, Tim Gunn, Kathy Griffin, and more, the idea is for lots of people, tons of people, all of us (uh, I'm camera shy) to upload videos to show a wave of caring and support. For those of us who have come through the tough childhood to look back and tell gay youth what we wish someone had told us, that it gets better.

It also refers people to The Trevor Project, a toll-free 24-hour support line, who you can find @ http://www.thetrevorproject.org/. They do good stuff.

Check out It Gets Better @ www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject, and on facebook of course. Everything is on facebook...

16 comments:

singlemama_cc said...

KUDOS! Well said~

Lauren said...

I was bullied my whole childhood and adolescence. Not because I'm gay either, which actually made coming out even more terrifying. I live in a small city, pretty conservative, not many other gay people. And it sucked. But I'm good now. I came across amazing people I won't ever forget. Too shy for that video thing, but this issue is a HUGE reason why I'm going to be a teacher.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

That is a great link. I have bookmarked it and will hopefully show it at a PFLAG meeting. Thank you.

Kris Wells said...

Don't forget that in Canada we have programs like Camp fYrefly (and others) that not only reassure youth that it gets better, but also helps them to develop the tools to make it better!

www.youtube.com/campfYrefly
www.fYrefly.ualberta.ca

Heather said...

I am in disbelief we r still going through this. Individuality and equality is a RIGHT I was bullied and can still remember word for word what was being slung at my self esteem. Now I am a mother and I spend so much of my time deep into my kids lives. I know I have taught them well. But, bullying kills either literally or just by chipping away parts of you're soul. I can only hope with more education and open conversation we can be a source of calm and love.

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Really good point from Kris! Camp fYrefly is a great program here in Canada that helps LGBT youth with life skills and support systems. Check them out @
www.fYrefly.ualberta.ca

anonymouspunchingbag.com said...

I'm not gay, but I was always an outcast. I suffered from trichotillomania (hair-pulling). I looked different then the other kids (I was bald), and I hated both myself and them. Interestingly enough, I chose Skidmore College b/c it has a very open minded student body. It is the first time I fit in anywhere, and many of my best friends (gay/lesbian/straight) are from that school. Mean, intolerable, cruel people ruined my formative years, but I fortunately found a safe environment where I could grow and develop.

I do not have the answers, and sadly this problem will seemingly not be fixed over night, but I can pass along this small bit of information: If any of your readers are looking for a place where acceptance is ingrained, please consider Skidmore College. I'm certainly not plugging them. I'm just sharing one small idea that helped to make my own life somewhat bully-free.

Thank you!

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

This sort of thing makes me heartsick. I saw a piece on Dr Phil today about this. During commercial breaks they showed pics of teens who had committed suicide b/c bullying or outing. SO many of them and some as young as 13. This has got to stop. We are losing our young people at an alarming rate. ONE is one too many. And for what? For loving someone? Senseless. My daughter has a guy friend who is gay.He is 17 and has been out for a year or so. Surprisingly he has only received positive words and support. I say surprisingly because we live in a very small town in the Bible belt of the Midwest. Anyone were to hurt him, they would have hell to pay from many people,including my DH and myself.

Gigi said...

School, particularly high school, is rough for most kids - gay or straight. It does get better on the other side. What a wonderful movement - thanks for sharing.

Jabacue said...

Dan's the Man!!! Great project. Thanks for posting this Brahm.
Jim

Salt said...

I'm so happy to hear about this movement and I hope it makes a difference. Bullying is one of my hot button issues...it scares me to have children because I don't want them to ever have to deal with the kinds of things that I did when I was in school.

Sassy Stylings said...

I heard about those four suicides while watching Wanda Sykes and Kathy Griffin on Larry King. It broke my heart. That people are still judged and defined by their sexual orientation is so utterly absurd.

Kudos to Dan Savage (whose column Savage Love is awesome!)for starting this initiative, and kudos to you for spreading the word!

At the risk of sounding totally sappy, and to quote Luther Vandross' famous song: "What the world needs now, is love, sweet love. It's the only thing that there's just too little of."

Fragrant Liar said...

Wow, I love this concept of "It Gets Better." I truly hope it reaches enough teens to make the impact it needs to.

Kernut the Blond said...

Great post! I was bullied, too, for a variety of reasons. I'm happy to see so many people writing about this.

(PS It's taken me months to figure out why every time I tried to comment on your blog it wouldn't let me, it would just never post.... Firefox apparently doesn't like this theme. IE, does. Sorry it took me so long to figure it out! I wanted to return the comment favor months ago - I really was born a blond. :)

Rusty Hoe said...

As the mum of a bullied tween son, I applaud any attempts to provide hope to kids in this position. I feel sick every day I put my son on the bus and send him off to school. I worry all day what he may have to deal with. It breaks my heart that I can't be there to protect him. You can do all the right things, eg work with the school, but the reality is if kids want to bully they will find a way. My son isn't gay, but he's different. He's small for his age, loves drama and art and doesn't follow the traditional teenage trends. All this makes him a target. He shows strength and courage that amazes me in facing them and holding true to himself despite the taunts and isolation, but I also know what it does to him inside and I've held him too many times as he's cried. It's hard for the whole family when all you want is for your child to be happy. You feel like a failure because you can't always help them get there. Wow didn't mean to dump. I guess it's just a topic very close to my heart.

Fred Miller said...

This is a beautiful post. There are so many kids out there I would love to just go up and hug and tell them it gets better. Just hang on! You're so trapped as a kid. How can we get to them? We do our best to teach our kid that the gay kids are okay. If he picks on them, his ass is mine! At least that's something.

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