June 5, 2011

Hopped Up On Cold Medicine...



I was home sick all weekend, hopped up on cold medicine for this bug I have, with a sore throat, congestion, light-headedness, and general crankiness with bouts of sarcasm... okay that last one may just be me.

Sick on Wednesday, I stayed home from work, and then was on a business trip Thursday and Friday which was important so I loaded up on cold medicine and flu medicine and hot tea and ice tea and lozenges and Tylenol and hit the road. Is it so wrong to drive seven hours under the influence?

The mind plays weird games when you aren't feeling well, and my mind tends to wander....

1- Isn't the recommended dosage really just a suggestion? If it say two pills every 3 to 4 hours and I am still sick, then I can take 3 to 4 pills every two hours, right?

2- Ooh, they're playing We Belong Together on the radio... What the hell did Mariah Carey name her babies? I hope to gawd it wasn't any variation on "Butterfly" .

3- Slow drivers are more annoying and less safe than fast drivers, especially you in the orange Ford Tempo, Ms driving-slowly-while-eating-something-with-a-spoon-and-talking-on-the-phone-cuz-I'm-an-idiot.

4- Big Bang Theory and So You Think You Can Dance --- surprisingly, no cast members in common.

5- When the hotel apologizes for your 3x faulty key cards by bringing you treats and designer beer, don't respond with "I don't drink beer you Chex-mix bearing morons," just say thank-you, pop some cold pills, and flop onto the bed.

6- I think the jelly beans and licorice Allsorts are helping more than the medicine really is.

7- What would happen if I failed the physical to join your military to fight the giant alien insects?

8- I cannot believe I am watching The Talk. I need way more drugs to make it through this show.

9- My scratchy throat feels like baking soda on sand paper, flavoured with stale pop rocks. And I am drinking so much water and tea I have to pee every ten minutes. Not especially convenient on a road trip.

10- Will french fries from A&W make my throat feel better? Totally worth a try....

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