November 26, 2010

Winter Driver Mad Libs


Yesterday driving home from work I had a total moron beside me. Rather than give her the finger, or rant and rave, I decided to be calm and vent later.

So I was going to vent by writing her a poem, a haiku perhaps, and then I remembered not talented enough to do that.

So here is a Mad Lib instead. For the uneducated among you, a Mad Lib is a short story with many key words replaced with blanks. Beneath each blank is specified a lexical or other category, such as "noun", "verb", "place", or "part of the body". One player asks the other players, in turn, to contribute some word for the specified type for each blank, but without revealing the context for that word. Finally, the completed story is read aloud.

My Winter Driver Mad Lib:

Hello _____(noun)_____ in the _____(adjective)_____ Lexus beside me.

Happy Winter!

Yes its happier outside, and I _____(verb)_____ it also. That being said, it is winter, we do _____(verb)_____ in Canada, so we should probably expect cold and _____(noun)_____ and _____(noun)_____.

Driving is _____(adjective)_____ in winter. We need _____(adjective)_____ tires. We need ice _____(noun)_____ s. We need _____(noun)_____ We need patience. And we need more time to get everywhere.

I thought I would say hello, as the _____(noun)_____ is so slow, and we are going to be beside each other for awhile now. Plus you are driving too fast and too close, so I may _____(action)_____ you by accident.

You looked _____(adjective)_____ today, my new friend. I can tell because you are _____(verb)_____ ing too close, _____(verb)_____ ing too fast, and likely _____(verb)_____ ing while you drive. So put down the _____(noun)_____, put down that_____(noun)_____ you are eating and pay attention.

I am trying to _____(verb)_____ carefully, and appreciate that you are too. I know we will all be _____(adjective)_____ that way.

Thanks for listening.

Best regards,

Alfie

13 comments:

Gigi said...

Very clever!

injaynesworld said...

I'm sorry. This requires a functional brain and I'm still pretty hungover from consumption of a toxic amount of food and drink from yesterday. ;)

Lauren said...

Was I supposed to pick words at random? Because my first line came out: Hello Cheese in the Blue Lexus beside me. The woman also ended up looking awful while eating a cat. You were trying to kill carefully but also threatened that you may kick her by accident.

I love these things.

Wicked Shawn said...

This is far too much work. I really prefer smiling and waving, then flipping them off. It's the shock value, I LOVE IT!!!

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Fair enough, Shawn, I agree, the flipping them off thing has its appeal. And I always curse like a sailor when I drive!

Spanky said...

Just for fun I pulled my 10 year old aside and did this particular Mad Lib with him. He loves you and wants you to come up with more. He's still laughing.

Annie (Lady M) x said...

You brainy git! Fancy coming up with that.

I don't know if you have it in Canada, but in the UK we have a fabulous combo to deal with arsehole drivers.

It's called the 'wanker' (a noun in the UK). You shout 'WANKER' out the window and stick your hand out and gesture like you are giving a hand-job. Totally beautiful and dignified. I used it yesterday!

Jabacue said...

Better way to react than lose it in front of her. Really, when you think of it why do we get so angry at other people's bad driving unless our life is in danger because of it. Be the bigger person and stay calm as you said. I know sometimes that is hard but two road ragers goes no where.
Jim

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

@ Spanky - thanks so much, I am thrilled to hear your son loved this!

@ Annie - classy as always my friend! And your technique definitely has its merits.

@ Jim --- admirable self control. Gotta admit, while driving I still curse like crazy at all the morons on the road.

meleah rebeccah said...

OMG! Making up a Mad Lib abut that driver is too funny and so very clever!

The Absence of Alternatives said...

(Are we allowed to use the F word in the comment section here?) Anyhoo. I found the F word rather useful in this case, 'cause the way I see it, it can be a verb, a noun and an adjective!

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Ha ha ha --- love the idea of using the F-word all over the place. Not kid friendly, but hysterical!

Nicki said...

I love Mad Libs! I wrote my words down first without reading your story cuz that is how it is s'posed to be played. Here it is!

Hello douchebag in the crazy Lexus beside me.

Happy Winter!

Yes its happier outside, and I shop it also. That being said, it is winter, we do hunt in Canada, so we should probably expect cold and sperm and squirrel monkeys.
Driving is obsessive in winter. We need compulsive tires. We need ice brains. We need zygotes. We need patience. And we need more time to get everywhere.

I thought I would say hello, as the sun is so slow, and we are going to be beside each other for awhile now. Plus you are driving too fast and too close, so I may bathe you by accident.

You looked schizophrenic today, my new friend. I can tell because you are picking too close, gagging too fast, and likely humping while you drive. So put down the banana split put down that loogie you are eating and pay attention.

I am trying to masterbate carefully, and appreciate that you are too. I know we will all be psychotic that way.

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