September 13, 2011

Confessions: I love my dog, but....

Alfie is the cutest dog in the world. Second is my step dog Quinn, and then my best friend's dog Harry Potter, and yes your dog is adorable as well, whoever you are reading this and feeling slighted...

But my little Ewok Alfred is the cutest, sweetest, best dog, hands down. Period.

And yet wonderful as the little furball is, and much as I love him, sometimes he is just a weird little dog. There are things that make me wonder what the eff is he thinking...

1- Barking at the wind: not just storms, but any wind, and the little dude is running and barking and freaking out.

2- Napping sprawled across the computer keyboard; never one to be anything but the centre of attention, when I am online and the little dude is feeling out of the spotlight, he sprawls across the keyboard like he is Liza on a grand piano.

3- Pooping on the move: Alfie crouches and walks as he poops, so those of us walking and scooping get to hunch over and follow along... because scooping dog shit at night should be a flashlight scavenger hunt.

4- Now that my laptop is sometimes displaced by an iPad, Alfie sprawls and naps on the iPad (or iPillow to him).

5- While I am not a huge fan of vacuums, Alfred is literally terrified of them; he barks, runs away, trembles head to paw, or some combination of all three.

6- He waits outside the shower for me, so I have to step over him as I reach for a towel, or say "excuse me" so he will move - which means I am interrupting the little dude chewing on yet another bath mat.

7- He follows me into the bathroom, including the tiny claustrophobic water closet that even he can't turn around in. Why?

8- Alfie fake pees when he wants to stay outside longer (he actually got this one from his stepbrother Quinn). Okay, I do actually respect the creative strategy of this one.

9- Tail wagging ferociously, Alfie barks enthusiastically at every dog he meets; and when those dogs don't react, Mr Alfred just barks louder. And louder. And louder... until he gets some attention.

10- Alfred loves to eat rabbit poop, which comes in convenient pellet form, and seeks it out on every walk outside. As we live in wild rabbit country, this crap is everywhere, and he always finds it. The only way it could be easier is if I bought him a rabbit poop Pez dispenser.

Alfie is loving, cute, mischievous, turns into a jumping puppy when we get snow or he gets a new treat... totally awesome dog. And as for all these goofy habits, hey, I said he was cute, not a rocket scientist...

Then again, he eats, plays, poops, and sleeps, while I chauffeur him to and from doggie daycare and pay all the bills, so maybe he ain't so dumb...

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