12 Things I Learned From Dizzy Spells & Nausea...

I was sick last week... really sick... pray-for-death, lord-take-me-now sick. It started with dizzy spells and sweating overload, then hot flashes, cold flashes, night sweats, sore throat, pounding headache, stomach pains, explosions all over the place. I came home from work early, and spent the next two days in bed suffering and wondering why I was the worse off person in the world. Oh, and I was delusional too.

Although my illness lasted only three days, it felt endless, certainly longer than a Kardashian marriage. My first day I was dead to the world, by day two I was closer to human and semi-conscious (aka able to watch TV). Drugs and sleep led to me feeling human again. And in the meantime, I learned stuff while writhing around in my warm cuddly red sheets...

1. Snow is very pretty from behind glass, when you don't have to walk in it, drive in it, scoop poop in it, or shovel it.

2. Daytime TV is fun for one hour a day. Daytime TV is unbearable for 10 hours a day. The Talk is better than The View. Anderson Cooper's show sucks. And there are too many hosts on The Chew; the show confuses me. Is it a cooking show? A talk show? A healthy cooking show? Bacon porn? Decide!

3. Someone used to say "I'm just one good bout of diarrhea away from my goal weight". Not true.

4. The Shopping Channel sells $500 handbags... I thought they sold cheap crap, not expensive crap. Clearly I was uninformed.

5. No matter how hideously ugly and gross you might get when you are sick your dog still loves you.

6. Lemon tea is not a good chaser for that pink upset stomach stuff.

7. Eating no solid food for 48 hours makes you crave popcorn.

8. Our dogs sleep a lot.

9. There just isn't enough news to make CNN interesting all day.

10. Judge Judy might be an alien... seriously, that woman just does not age... it is super creepy. Oh, and she is completely insane.

11. Rachael Ray is awesome.

12. Best cure for the deathly hallows? 40 hours of sleep within 48 hours. And that medication that says to take every 4 to 6 hours? Every 90 minutes really does the trick...