Yeppers, Bowling for Bachelors sounds like a totally misguided fundraising event, but it was in fact our bachelor party last night, and it was damn fun!
When our friends Kathryn and Gwenn decided to throw us a bachelor party, we were happy and flattered and... confused? What does a gay bachelor party look like? Uh, okay, that sounds like a Rock Hudson movie or a cheezy porn flick... THE GAY BACHELOR PARTY.
The only gay bachelor party I have been to, which was tied to the only gay wedding I have been to, involved an underwashed casino and an underfed stripper. And while it was a fun evening, it was not really up our alley.
We aren't big drinkers, not that into strippers etc (been there, done that), and as we are in our early 40s, let's say the bachelor party has been had. After us both being single and out there for so long, the 12-inch extended disco remix of bachelorhood had been lived. Been there, done that.
Then the idea of a bowling party came up -- fun activity, silly rented shoes, all ages friendly, and mountains of deep fried food. We were 17 people, ages 10 to 75, and had a hoot.
And it was educational. So here is what I learned at our (G-rated) bachelor party:
1- Don't focus so much on your attire, as your loving (evil) friends will also plan for what the happy couple wears. I chose Burberry, they chose crazy loud Hawaiian shirts from Value Village.
2- Pizza, pop, deep fried zucchini, onion rings, french fries, and beer will cover all the major food groups.
3- People at bowling alleys have a wacky (ie totally fucked) idea of how much food you will eat. Four gargantuan trays of fried crap and four super large pizzas is not food for 17, it's food for 30. We tried to gain like twenty pounds each and still couldn't eat all that!
4- You can't cheat with automated overhead projected score keeping.
5- Aim low - figure if you are not the absolute worst bowler of all the adults, then you win. Screw that, beat the kid and you still win.
6- Do not think about who has worn those rented shoes before you. Just don't.
7- You want to surprise the two grooms during the evening? Bring out their new pirate outfits -- hat, earring, eye patch -- to add to the loud Hawaiian shirts.
8- The red striped balls are not luckier, despite what the asshole actually knocking pins down says.
9- My future father-in-law was a bowling shark in a previous life. Who knew?
10- Everybody loves prizes, especially for significant accomplishments like best dressed bowler, most stylish bowler, and worst bowler. And when the prizes including future keepsakes and heirlooms like dinosaur noses, soap that turns your hands black, and handcuffs, how could you go wrong?
... Thanks to K and G for a fun fun night!
15 hours ago