February 19, 2010

Holy crap, the internet says I'm dying!


The other day I did something downright clumsy -- I was walking and talking and enthusiastically whooshing my hands around and whomp, I walked straight into a glass table. Ouch.

The next day I did something downright stupid - I went on http://www.webmd.com/ and used their symptom checker to look up the bruising and discolouration on my bumped leg.

Now here is the context - I readily confess to being both an internet geek and a hypochondriac, so you know that whatever the web md says, be she a real doctor or underage child with a high-speed connection and a cruel streak, is gonna freak me out.

The process is easy -- you answer a few questions, type in your symptoms, and pronto, the website gives you its version of a diagnosis by listing the conditions associated with your symptoms.

So I entered in my symptoms --- bruising, tender to touch, etc. Nothing extreme or long lasting. And then - the effing results FREAKED ME OUT. Yep, the internet says I am dying.

It listed eleven, yes ELEVEN, possible conditions for my everyday non-fatal leg scrape: hematoma, dislocated knee, a posterior cruciate ligament injury, and so on. Scared the crap out of me, I as I read the list and looked up each scary-sounding Latin symptom, it became instantly clear - yes, that must be what I have!

There are all kinds of legalese disclaimers with this information, which I ignored, and true it probably is better that they over-communicate what could be wrong with you. More information is better. Knowledge is power. Blah Blah Blah. But not for me...

Where is the website that says "You're fine, don't worry about it." Bruised leg? You're fine, don't worry about it. Weird sore? You're fine, don't worry about it. Bleeding gash? Pop some codeine, get some sleep, eat some jellybeans, you'll be fine, don't worry about it.

I am not going back to webmd.com anytime soon. I am gonna look for the jellybeans and popcorn will solve your health issues site... any ideas where that is?

18 comments:

Yaya' s Changing World said...

Will this do, instead? Look Up Quotes. I especially like the following quote by Stephen Wright, “Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture,” from this site.

I totally enjoyed your post. Thanks.

Yaya
Yaya's Changing World

Mrsblogalot said...

I've died a thousand deaths on that site! I have vowed to stay far away from the Internet for a diagnosis. I can make myself nuts all by myself thank you.

Will Burke said...

They could take a note from the tele-health call in service: "you should go to ER to be sure..." regardless of what you've discribed.

Stephen said...

Oh...I have total empathy. I have looked up bumps & coughs on WebMD & left the sight certain that I had Cholera, Plague or Chlamydia. I also had to give it up after working myself into a frenzy.

I have been enjoying your blog, young man.
2 terriers- Junior & Larry send butt sniffs to Alfred from Oregon!

Princess Pamela said...

so is this post your "Gordon Lightfoot" moment?

WebMD is good for a lot of things, but they never, EVER tell you about this issue that can come up...hope you're okay Brahm.

http://www.articlealley.com/article_1362824_17.html

TICKLEBEAR said...

if TLC is what you need, that's usually Dr MOM's job. unfortunately, no more TLC for me, as my mom died not quite 3 years ago. but i do stay away from those things. i only look to the web for my cat, just for reassurance that i don't live with a nutcase, that her behavior is..."normal"!?!
so, how's the leg now?
you should have put some ice on it to avoid excessive bruising and swelling...
too late now.
just keep the leg up.
you'll be fine!!!
(no, don't call me "mom"...)
:)~
HUGZ

inannasstar said...

WebMD is on my list of things I don't allow myself to do (it's actually the only thing on the list, but I digress). Your post reminds me of that episode of Seinfeld when George had the weird white thing on his lip and when he asked the doctor if it was cancer the doctor told him he needed to do some testing. George then said "I was looking for more of a 'Cancer! pssht, you don't have Cancer!"

injaynesworld said...

My Rx: Your mate needs to just kiss the boo-boo and give you a Popsicle.

P.S. This is why men don't give birth.

Michael Rivers said...

Yes. If you ever don't want to sleep at night. Log onto webmd and type in something about yourself.

Annie (Lady M) x said...

I have got an idea which is far more fun.... take a picture of your injury, post it on your blog and get us rookies to try and diagnose your ailments! Hurray!

wanderingthroughwonderland said...

Oh, honey, I get it... especially if you're talking about K, Quinn, or Alfed. Every sniffle, weird bark, seeping eye... everyone is dying. Hope you have managed to avoid amputation! XO.

Kevin said...

Put a magnet on it. Or some far-infrared material. It'll be better. Better than anything a doctor will give you (and much safer too). Oh ya, I'll kiss you too (not your boo boo, though).

Krista said...

Sounds like when I took my first psych class as an undergrad. I was convinced that I could be diagnosed with about 35 mental disorders....not that I probably couldn't be.

bmat10 said...

I suppose then it would be better if I did not direct you to the following: http://www.deathclock.com/

I wouldn't take it too seriously, they even say that on the website. Besides it tells me I'm going to live to the ripe old age of 83 and at this rate there ain't no way. LOL

Brahm said...

Okay Mr B, I think thanks for pointing me towards the creepy death clock

It says I will die on Wednesday March 14, 2040...

so what do I make of that?

J@v@JuNKo said...

lol I did the same thing going online when i was sick one time and it made me so paranoid that I'm sure I psychologically made myself feel worse than i was! I told the doctor i went online and she looked at me with those "you dumbass" eyes and said "Don't ever go on the internet to find out what's wrong with you cause you'll just end up thinking you're dying" lol...

sewa mobil said...

Nice information, this really useful for me. There is nothing to argue about.
Keep posting stuff like this i really like it. Thanks.

sewa mobil said...

Yes. If you ever don't want to sleep at night. Log onto webmd and type in something about yourself.

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